Name: Amy
Currently: In Japan on JET
Next Endevour: Korea
Countries traveled to: Korea, Japan, Canada, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Thailand
Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears
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Tuesday, March 01, 2005
It's somewhere between winter and spring. The mornings are brighter and I am able to spring out of bed and face the day but the crisp air and the puffs of smoke are still there.
I sit at my desk reading books...classes are finished and graduation is this Saturday. I am probably straining my eyes after 300 pages of reading but what else is enteratining and passes seven hours away....today I read a book called MY LEAD DOG WAS A LESBIAN about the Alaskan Iditarod. Friday I read the PRISONER'S WIFE. Both were good books....
My parents are coming and I don't know whether to be happy or depressed. I may sound ungrateful but am not meaning to be. It will be the first time they have come in about three years and will finally have a chance to see where I have made a nitch for myself in this so called country called Japan.
I am a sorry they are coming when I could be traveling for cheap. It was either they come then and I have time off school or come when I have classes...
I have started attending Korean classes at Ina se on Friday nights. I have forfeited my 1st and 3rd Friday so that I may have some basics when I go later this year. I am a slow learner but I am slowly getting there. Satomi has joined me but she can pick it up a lot faster.
Posted at 04:08 pm by amyjet2002
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
This weekend was hard but it seems like life is turning on me for the good. Um, I survived my presentation at the MYC and am glad that I am finished once and for all with it. I think it was very helpful my first year and I really did get a lot of ideas and insights but after the third year I think it gets pretty repeatative and more of a hassle than what it is worth. I know it wouldn't work if the third years didn't participate because that is how the first years learn. Anyways, it was nice to have Takematsu sensei come with me because it seems like she enjoyed herself and her eyes were opened to more to the JTE and AET situation. I went home with Kelly, Matt, and Nick with Kelly's JTE, Yuko.
Um, by the time I got home I had received an email from Brandy and she said she was coming to Komagane. I got home and grabbed my keys and went to pick her up. It was good to see her and we got to rest a few minutes before we went to make the most of the night.
We first started off by heading to Real Swing but to kill some time we crossed the street to take some good ol print club. It was good going back to Real Swing like we use to. Yuh I think was really happy to see Brandy. Nick later came along and we hung out at RS before hitting the Banana cafe. Brandy chatted with this girl named Madoka and made friends, we invited her out for the dance party the following night.
At the Banana cafe, we met the guy who worked at Real Swing. It was his day off. Anyways, Brandy and I got into an emotional discussion about smoking. I felt really bad because she started crying but was upset that she was still smoking after she pinky swore (angel swore) that should would quite after the box she had. I can forgive her as a friend for that but not as an angel because angels help others when in need. Sometimes it means making their life hard but in the long run, it's to make their life better. I am still upset that Brandy went back to smoking. I feel that she thinks she can't rectify things because she started smoking again but that is where I get upset. It is all the more power to some to reverse the action in some sense by stopping. What is done is done, and that can't be helped, but by continuing to do it is just being weak. I have never smoked and I admit I may not know what it is like to quite, but I have been through other things which in some sense have taken me all the will power to quite and start anew. The challenge is what makes someone strong.
If you don't try, you won't know.
Anyways eventually Brandy and I made our way to Black Berry. It was good to see bubba again. Brandy eventually went off to see Yasuo but I stuck around figuring she needed some time with him alone. I ended up talking to some guy named Hero. He was nice so I invited him to the dance party also. The other tall guy from RS also came with a girl. I didn't talk with him because he seemed busy but it was good. Eventually Brandy came back but things weren't very good between her and Yasuo. Um, sometime I wonder why she sticks with the guy when he gives her so much #HIt,
but it is because she loves him. Maybe not so much as a lover, but more as a person. Someone you care about and want to see happy.
I ended up falling asleep after seeing Kuchan and Hiroko. I was tired from the MYC. I rarely fall asleep someplace like a bar but there I was....being woken up by Brandy who was saying we gotta catch the train! Yup, we still have it in us (me barely) to stay up all night and live up our youthfulness.
We got to the station and then caught a taxi. All I remember was it was dang cold. I had a can of hot milk tea stuck in my jacket to keep warm. We stopped by a conbini and then gobbled our food down as we walked the rest of the way to my house. I fell asleep again under the kotatsu and woke up sometime in the mid morning to drag myself into my bed.
Saturday we didn't get up until around 4ish. Took showers and then got dressed. Sat under the kotatsu and painted nails. It was good just chilling. When Brandy is over I wish I had a roommate. It is fun to just talk. I think though that maybe I am so used to being alone and doing whatever whenever it would be hard. It would be nice if we lived next door to each other or had separate rooms. I don't know if I could live with even a guy I liked. I think I would need to change my lifestyle.
Took the train in again with the intention of catching a taxi back. Now that I think about it, I could have totally had a sober night and just drove. Anyways, I thought what the heck, it's only a couple times I can do this...What sucked though was that it was raining....hard.
Um, we first went to R330 so that Brandy could talk to Hiroshi. Hiroshi was delighted to see B. It was good to see them reunited. We hung out there for about an hour and a half before I suggested we head in. I had told others about the Tamanegi last night so I was to meet up with them there.
Then we enjoyed some flamenco and drinks (me only a beer). There was one lady who was really drunk and it was pretty entertainign but a little scary to watch her dance around almost as if she didn't know what she was doing.
People sang and danced. People told Kuchan their thoughts. Both Hiroko and Brandy sang. Brandy sang AMAZING GRACE and it was amazing. She has such a good voice!
After sticking around and after people started heading off, I thanked kuchan and then we headed over to RS for some dancing of our own. It was quite packed when we got there. Nobuhide was there again and told to call when I have time...but he never returns my call. Anyways, it was good fun and I enjoyed myself. The dancing was really fun. I just feel so good, my endorphines are high and I just feel so good to be alive after I dance. We met a lot of people. Met a couple friends of Kae's who can speak English well, Madoka and Hero also came.
Danced until about 2:30 and then headed to Gusto before realizing that it was closing around 3 so headed to the ramen shop but they didn't have much left so ended up just taking the taxi home and stopping at the convini again.
Hero seemed to want to be friends so we exchanged numbers.
Posted at 09:57 am by amyjet2002
Friday, November 19, 2004
I feel a little under the weather because I lack the confidence to help my students for their interviews. I know it is the start of their future and I really want to help them, but am at a lack of words or advice to gear them towards a certain direction. What I'm looking for, I guess, is the confidence to know I had in some way or another helped them in their course to getting acceptance. Mostly I am babbling about nothing. I can't use the words I want to because they will not remember them for the interview. I have to use the vocabulary they know and make a half decent reply to questions I even had difficulties back in the day. I get irritated when the students are trying to memorize what I say. They go word for word. I am stuck between them memorizing a script and stumbling over even their own introductions!
I want ignorance, but I am sure many of them will come back and say I didn't pass. I will know I had some input in with their performance. I guess it is like parents and their children. The parents feel successful when their children accomplish something and feel defeated when their children don't do well. I someday want children and I will try my best not to live through them. I want to feel proud of them even if things don't go their way. I want them to know they can fail and I am still proud that they tried. All I ask for is my children to work hard and try their best!
Posted at 04:32 pm by amyjet2002
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Im still here in Japan but have about 10 months left before I think I will head over to Korea to pick up some of the language before I venture back to America and somehow make something out of my life. I have pretty much set up camp here so it will be quite difficult to pack up and move on but feel like I must change scenery or become stuck as a lifer. My brother got married earlier this year but just last week they had a baby girl named Mia. I haven't seen pictures but I'm sure she's adorable. Anyways, that makes me Amy Auntie. And who would have ever known that David would have become a father. Anyways my parents tell me he is settled down and is truly becoming a responsible adult.
I don't know where I am in in all of this. No luck with relationships which puts me at being single for at least two and a half years. I have made some conquests but both seem to have fallen into nothingness. The first heart moving encounter was to a guy who I thought was going to be the one. Nothing came out of it and what really hurts was that I felt almost used. He got a job with a newspaper, but we don't email or talk which makes me bitter since I used to talk to him for at least an hour a week when I went to the restaurant where he worked. I don't know. Felt cheated even out of a friendship. There is another guy who happens to be a little older. 31 to be exact. Anyways, I finally had the courage to ask him to do something but he made the excuse of being busy, which I still don't know is true or just a pathetic excuse...anyways he has been giving mixed signals which to tell you the truth is almost too much to deal with now...so might just cross him off my list. Leaves are changing colors and in the mornings now one sometimes can see the mountain tops coated with white of snow. Winter is coming and than means snowboarding season is just around the corner. Posted at 02:32 pm by amyjet2002
Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears
Posted at 01:28 pm by amyjet2002
I think only in Japan (well not really, but still...) do they let students and teachers freeze in school. They have the heaters set up and there is snow on the mountains, but do they think it's cold enough to use the stoves? NO! because like they change their uniforms over from summer to winter on a certain day (not one day before or after, but ON that day) they have a day determined beforehand when they can actually put kerosene in the heaters.
What makes things even worse is that yesterday FOR TESTING they say, we got a sample of the warmth that will soon (hopefully) be in the classrooms. What is torturous is that we had that little bit or warm and not it is taken away...so here I am in my jacket sitting at my desk drinking cup after cup of tea to keep warm. No wonder they invented little heated pads to stick to yourself so you keep warm. No wonder girls bring blankets to class. No wonder so many students go home sick. No wonder there are hot drinks sold in vending machines....no wonder I can't think of anything else to say cuz my brain is frozen!
Posted at 10:59 am by amyjet2002
Monday, November 15, 2004
I'm determined not to let things get to me. I had a good time and I'm glad I went. I am not regretful at all! I was able to talk to other people and thought the Kobayashi couple were awesome! If I ever get married I want to be like them. They are soo sweet. The husband is funny and kind.
Kenta came with a girl, Hitomi. I can tell he likes her but I don't understand why he does if she has a boyfriend. She is nice and she was telling me that she was in Canada for a year and a half and was a person who helped Japanese tourists see the northern lights.
He promised to go snowboarding with me. I didn't do the pinky swear. I don't want to be in the position I was with Isamu. I don't want to get hurt. Don't promise something you might not keep. He offered to buy me yakiniku dinner, but that is also something that might not happen. I don't want to get hurt. If I stay independent, at least I know when I can get hurt.
I want to live life like those carefree girls who don't give a damn what men say or do. I want to be strong and choose when and where and who. I want the pure love, the ones without games.
My brother had his girl. Mia. I am officially an Auntie. she was born sometime before 9 pm on Friday. I want to see pictures.!
How splendid is life? A new personality, a new being who has the ability to choose, a mind ready to be molded is brought into this world again.
Posted at 10:43 am by amyjet2002
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Irony is a funny word. Just realized the my previous entry started off with run down. .......
Posted at 10:46 am by amyjet2002
My heart is beating and my eyes are watery. I am in the state of shock. It is very rare for me to be in this type of state. I'm functioning but it is more robotic. I received a call from one of the teachers I work with at my other school. She starts off with, " Amy, I have some bad news." You hear these words in movies but it is never reality until you hear it with your own ears. One of my students in 1E passed away this Saturday in a traffic accident. I had heard about an accident, but didn't realize it was someone I knew. I can only think of what a waste. He was so young. I can't believe it. I taught him just last Thursday. It was the last time I will ever see him. I don't even know his name, but all I know is that all I can do is attend his funeral and send him off and let him rest in peace and by my attendence, let him know he was a part of my life also. I don't care if I have to take nenkyu. Life is so much more than a job and vacation. I am so selfish to even think of something like nenkyu but man, why are things significant only after they are taken away from you? Never have I felt the jolt of something so hard. Was it because he was so young? I don't know. It's just sad thinking about it. I don't know. There is always tomorrow and many more young lives out there, but today I feel maybe I should just spend today in rememberance for him...What shall I do when I meet his classmates on Thursday?!? They must be taking this news harder than me! They spend everyday with him and I here I was seeing him once a week for an hour!
I don't know. I can't talk with anyone right now because everyone is working. I feel a little better writing something but really, I don't know what to do with myself.
Posted at 10:39 am by amyjet2002
Thursday, November 04, 2004
I've been run down-not by a car though. I think a combination of speech contests, an unusual number of taiko performances, and the over hanging Japanese test and a Midyear conference presentation has caused me to catch a cough which seems to stick to me as if I were a warm blanket. Good news though. The girls did well and took first. I don't know if I mentioned this previously. We had an otsukaresama party on Tuesday and it was nice talking and hanging out with them. They are a great bunch of students. Maiyu is heading to Tokyo in January.
I went to see him on Saturday. Actually headed in earlier because I had to get my Presidental election ballot off. This year the mail system is tight so there were rumors that mail was taking up to three weeks. Fedex was having a campaign which allowed a person to send their ballot for free from one of their centers. Had to get to Tokyo to do it though. The cut off time was one so took an early bus in. Shared the bus with Nick who was heading into see Ha. I first went off near Ginza to send off my ballot and then met up with Nick to go to the Apple store. Bought my ipod. It was a little expensive but I think it will be nice. Tomorrow I will walk to school with it!
After that did a little shopping at Tokyu hands and then headed into Narita to meet up with Lisa. We went to an izukaya. It was nice to catch up with her. She is sooo sweet and her English is getting so good.
Then around 9:30 I got an email from Namie and she was already at the bar. So I got on the train and was there just before 10. When I walked into the door it was crazy. I didn't even recognize anyone because they were all dressed up. I had debated whether to go in costume or not but decided to change there. Changed in the bathroom and was a little embarrassed. Anyways, people were jolly and was able to talk to many people. I wasn't able to see Jun or Shu but saw some of the other people I have met. Some people could speak English really well. They were students in high school. They have seven or eight AET's at their school. They attend a private school. They were cool to talk to. Their names were Dai and Minami. I also talked to the guy who I have been mailing for awhile and it was a little strange. There was a little bit of ackwardness because there were so many people around. He did come around and sit by me and talk to me but it wasn't until later he really came over and we talked. He showed me his pictures of his motocycle. He has two. One is the same one as the one Tom Cruise rode in Top Gun. He said he didn't have a girlfriend to ride with. I was like, but I thought you had one and he said no. I should have been more up front and said, I would like to ride with you. I am not like that, in my head I am always thinkings things but I can't say them. I told him about the guy I liked and how I was mad that he didn't keep his promise. He said, I'd get a good boyfriend. But I wish he said he'd be my boyfriend.
The night came to a close at 6 and the last thing I heard when I walked out the door was "bye Amy."
He hasn't emailed since Sunday and I am finding myself wondering what he is doing. I want to know the little details. What kind of shampoo he is using. How long does it take him to brush his hair. What makes him laugh. What kind of movies he likes. I want to spend a day with him...just him. Finding out things...
Posted at 01:09 pm by amyjet2002
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